A Big Sigh Of Relief

So, remember how I told you guys last week that I weighed in on a Wednesday and then I wasn’t going to take my weight until the next Friday?

Well I cheated a little.

You see, the weekend was bad. On Saturday I had a hot dog with ketchup, a sloppy joe, a lot of my favorite pasta salad, a little bit of this other pasta salad, a few cheese puffs, crackers and cheese, and a piece of cake. That was just what I ate at Dustin’s mom’s family gathering!

I know I also ate two 200 calorie protein bars.

Then my mom, sister, and my sister’s friend came to visit. We ended up going bowling. I had a bite of both my sister’s and Dustin’s gigantic cookies. I then had non diet soda. I used the soda to wash down two hot dogs and a lot of French fries.

Later we went to the store to buy food and garbage for the picnic on Sunday. We stayed up late and played board games. … We hardly had any junk left after. I ate a lot of munchies (not the icky ranch ones), baked sour cream and cheddar chips, and a lot of cookies.

Then on Sunday I ate even more cookies, chips, etc. Then we went out to the pizza buffet where along my salad was a lot of cheesy pasta, breadsticks, and pizza.

Then Dustin and I had sandwiches and cookies (and milk) as a late night snack.

So you can imagine that I was a wee bit discouraged. I thought there’d be no way in hell that my weigh in would be lower. I honestly felt it was a toss up that it’d stay the same. Mostly, I was expecting a gain.

Then I have been sick the last two days. I made it all work, but I didn’t exercise as much as I wanted to yesterday because Dustin made me nap.

Anyway with it being Thursday I was slightly going crazy to know how big of a gain I was rocking.

So I got back out the scale and to my surprise… It wasn’t a gain!!

It was a loss!

So now I’m excited to have a great (beyond great) day today so that maybe the loss will grow. If not, it is still a loss!!

Just what I needed.

I’m grinning from ear to ear!

Here’s to another great day,
J

No Excuses; Still Sickly

So I’m still not feeling myself. I can’t tell if I feel less sick than yesterday or if it is about the same. 

I told myself that I was going to stay in bed longer today, but I actually woke up much earlier.

Sigh.

I jumped out of bed, did an exercise video, walked Balto, and am now about to hop into the shower.

I think I might fit in another semi-decent nap at some point today.

I think my body will thank me.

Yesterday was a smashing success for my weight loss and I really hope that I am able to repeat the success today (and the next day and the next). 

We’ll see!

-J 

Dentist Debrief

Okay. 

I had made my way to the dentist. My appointment was at 3:50 (the lady who called to remind me said 4, so I was a little confused) and I sat in the office until 4:10 before being called – did wonders for my nerves! I then had everything done. I was amazed at how much the technology has advanced in dentistry since my last visit in 2010. Anyway, I was pleased with the office (in particular the hygienist that I saw). What I was not pleased with was the 330 and change dollars that it cost me for that visit. 

OVER THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!?

I told Dustin that I figured it would be between 1-300 and he told me that it would not cost more than 200. 

How wrong he was. 

Then. To top everything off, yes my wisdom teeth need to come out. Not only do my wisdom teeth need to come out, but I need fillings (they said they were very tiny, thankfully). Each filling … costs…217 bucks. What?!

So needless to say I do NOT think that I am spending the 2,445 dollars that they want to do all of the work. The wisdom teeth are only going to cost 1,300 or so, which is less than the 1,600 that I had originally thought it was going to cost. Sigh. 

I am beyond stressed out. I am waiting to see if my mom is going to flip over to being on staff at one of the places that she currently goes to through an agency. If she does, then 90 days from then I will have excellent benefits and will wait and do everything then. I figured I’ll give her no more than a month to figure it out. If she does, great then I’ll wait for them to kick in. If not, then at the very least I need to do my wisdom teeth. 

Ugh. 

I wasn’t a happy camper. 

Then I didn’t get home until about 6:15. I then laid on the bed and Dustin tried to calm me down. Before I knew it, it was 7 and I had to leave to go see Savannah. 

I wish I could explain how good it was to see her. 

It is funny how good friendships last throughout time and changes. I’m so glad that our friendship is just…there. It just works in life. Not all friendships last once you are out of school and into the real world. 

It didn’t feel like enough time with her, though. So – we decided that I’ll be coming back down to visit tonight before she has to leave for the airport. It still won’t be enough time, but it is better than nothing 🙂 . 

I have to take Dustin to the doctor today. He still isn’t himself and we figured it would be best to have him checked. Thankfully, he is still on his mom’s insurance plan. He loses it in January when he turns 26, but until then at least one of us has something. 

Okay – I wanted to write a bit more, but Balto isn’t having it and wants his walk.

You’ll get more tonight!

-J 

Another Successful Day!

So before I forget I just want to start off with these:

I keep forgetting (okay, maybe it is pure laziness) to attach my logs for you guys each day. 

This officially marks my third successful day. I think this means that I am back on track! 

I am still feeling a bit off today. I think I might just have some kind of bug or something. I don’t have a migraine tonight, though! I just feel a bit off and sluggish. 

Other than that – it was a great food and exercise day. I worked my butt off on the elliptical and spent more time exercising than I have in … probably weeks. It felt awesome to be back on track. 

… It felt even more awesome to still get to enjoy stuffing my face without having to worry about gaining a whole bunch of weight. 

My fingers are crossed that doing so well will continue to bring my weight down. The closer I can get back to my pre-Easter gain weight the better! 

Having this blog has really helped me get through my rough patch – and so have you guys. The support that you have given me has really kept me going. You guys are truly awesomely amazing 🙂 . 

Until tomorrow!
-J 

Confirmation of Disgust

Yep. It’s about what I thought. 

I went from 181.8lbs to 186.5lbs this week. 

I could say that it is all from Easter, but I wouldn’t be being very honest  now would I?

I’ve been going downhill for weeks and weeks now. 

This was just the largest set back that has occurred.

People have tried to tell me that it is water weight and that it will be gone next week, but I don’t think so. I mean there is definitely a chance that not all of this is from the food that I have eaten and that my body will readjust as this new week passes, but to be honest I don’t doubt that most of it is a real gain. 

I ate so much food. 

So so so much food.

Not only did I eat more than I have at once in a while, but I hardly exercised. 

I went back to my old ways entirely. 

And you know what? It scares me so much.

How.. after all of this time and all of this success could I so easily go back to my fat kid ways that I have hated so terribly?

I’m absolutely disgusted with myself.

I am going to keep my head up and attempt a normal week, but I have been trying to get back on track for days now.

Ugh. 

That is the best way to describe how I feel about everything right now.

I know I’ll snap out of it. It’ll only take a few good days to get me going again. 

I can do this.

I have done it in the past.

It feels just like when I first started.

I feel like I’ve back tracked so far mentally – despite only gaining 5lbs. 

I’ll write a nightly update and we’ll see how I did today. Maybe making myself write it out later will help me stay on track. 

I vow to also write if I am facing temptation OR if I let temptation get the best of me and am stuffing my face. 

…Hopefully that doesn’t have to happen.

-J 

Weekly Weigh-In

Do you guys ever have a weigh in where you are just absolutely stunned? This is what I am experiencing. 

In the last two weeks I have pigged out and have done little to no exercises. 

This week alone I had skipped the majority of my exercise days and have eaten 2,000+ calories over my goal amount. 

Just last Sunday (the reunion day) I ate more desserts than I have in one sitting since I began my journey. 

So how did I lose this week? 

An even better question arrives from this picture

 

How on earth did I lose 3.3lbs this week?

Due to my gain two weeks ago – this is probably an even greater loss. But keeping that out of this mix… this is like losing 1.65lbs for the last two weeks. 

Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off of the floor. 

How?

…?

Some have told me that my body might have needed the metabolism boost. I have been told that I need to up my calorie intake, but this was beyond that. I have literally stuffed my face and have been a slob the past two weeks.

And yet my body rewards me with a hefty loss.

I’m amazed.

I’m impressed.

I had to take the picture so that I could believe it later. I kept thinking that my eyes were playing tricks on me.

3.3lbs!!!

I’ll take it.

I had expected that number in the form of a gain not a loss. 

Crazy. Simply crazy.

I’m happy.

I don’t feel as though I deserve the hefty weight loss, but there is no way that I can complain about it!

It kind of gives me that determination to keep going.

I am at 88.2lbs gone and have only 53lbs left to go!

I can do this. This weigh in is exactly what I needed to get me out of this funk. There’s my motivation.

Let’s go!

-J  

I’m Beat!

Hi guys! Quick nightly update for you! I meant to write a post earlier today, but things got a little bit hectic. I ended up driving down to my parent’s house and then spent much more time running around down there than I had planned. Next thing I know it is already 10; yikes! I hadn’t eaten anything all day and then Dustin and I ate dinner. I couldn’t eat enough in one sitting to reach my minimum 1,200 calories so I then made sure that my snacks were high calorie. .. Which means I actually got to each a pop tart! 😉

I did just do a bit more than 90 minutes of exercise, though!

I did it for me.

I know that I’m not going to have the best weigh-in tomorrow. I’m expecting about a 2lb gain 😛 – but I did not want to use that as an excuse to slack off. Absolutely not. I told you guys yesterday that I was putting that behind me. I could do what I used to do (and what I was doing the past two weeks) and say that I will start back up again tomorrow …. but that is just a bunch of bs. Right now is as good of a time as any.

How did I do today? You be the judge of that!

🙂 I told you I was good today!

Okay, okay. This is short, but I am literally trying to keep myself from snoozing off!

Until tomorrow! I’ll let you guys know how my weigh in goes as soon as I finish.

-J

Not A Pretty Nightly Update

This won’t be a pretty post. I’m not sure that I could make it be one if I wanted to.

I’ve had a rough handful of days (as you guys are familiar with). I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. I took two exercise free days and felt really motivated. I was posting about feeling like I had it all together. In my defense, I really felt that way.

Then today felt like another impossible day. I let myself eat whatever I wanted to and did no exercise what so ever.

… I could (and more than likely will) have yet another gain week.

Another.

Two in a row.

What is wrong with me? I have no excuses. There is no reason to let myself get off track and revert back to my old ways. I have come too far and I can see the finish line on the horizon. So why?

No one can answer this for me and no amount of pep talks or motivational speeches can get me going. Only I can help me. Just like only I could start my journey to begin with.

I just need to get back to it.

I know why. I have my reasons. They were enough motivation then and I know they still are now.

I just need to snap out of this funk and bounce back.

Tomorrow is a new day.
-J

Nightly Update!

Okay guys, I have some pictures for you!

That was from Sunday (a.k.a reunion day). This was the outfit that I was telling you guys about! The shirt is the XL and the pants are a 16W – I’m so pleased! Oh, I almost forgot! I also got a tank top that is an XL. Clearly, I am not satisfied with my blubbery arms still; however, I actually have some hips going on!

I think that covers all of the outfits and excitement that I was going on and on about after my last shopping trip 😉 . I went to the store quickly today to try on some stuff. Everything fit, but I wasn’t wooed enough to actually spend some money on the stuff.

I am going to try my hardest to let Sunday’s insanely high calorie cheat day go. I don’t want to overload my body with exercise like I normally do. I just want to accept that I ate way too many sweets and junk food and move on. I already had a crappy week and weigh in the week before – what is another bad one? I am back on track and am doing my thing again. Therefore if it takes until next week to see a loss for my hard work then why should it matter? There is no time line for my weight loss. This is all a learning experience and there are going to be hard times.

This has been a hard time.

We all go through the rough patches and each of us has to learn how to handle it. Do not let yourself get off track – always pick yourself back up. I actually used my deep breath method that I am always telling you guys to use.

It works. Really.

I took time to think of all of my non-scale victories, my total weight loss, and everything else I have accomplished throughout my journey.

I am strong.

I am doing so well.

You can’t expect to have a complete turn around 100% lifestyle change with the bat of an eye. You have to work for it.

…And work for it I shall!

Here are my food and exercise logs for the day:

It was a good food and exercise day. I am getting back into my groove. I feel good about it. I feel good about me. I can do this.

Until tomorrow!

-J

MIA Explanation

It’s true. You guys didn’t get your nightly update yesterday. I’m sure my previous post can give you a good indication as to why. 

With that being said, I did still log. I took two days away from exercise so that I could get myself to completely relax. I was still having anxiety issues up until last night, but they faded right before I was falling asleep. So far so good today – knock on wood. I am feeling more like myself and am ready to exercise again! 

I promised that I would upload a picture of my outfit a handful of days ago and I haven’t forgotten 😉 – you will get that with my nightly update tonight. 

Even though I didn’t exercise yesterday, I stayed within a decent amount of calories. I made sure I stayed within my limits and that I did not NEED to do any exercises. Thank goodness it all worked out. 

So here’s the thing – I haven’t weighed in since the Friday before last. On that Friday I weighed in at 186.1. This was exciting for me. Then last week I knew I was going to gain and I got myself all worked up over it. So I simply didn’t count the weigh in because everything (including my sleep schedule) was all out of whack. My weight at this time was going anywhere from 188 – 190 …yikes! 

The past two days that I have weighed myself have been more normal. Yesterday (despite pigging on on Sunday) I weighed 185.9 and today I weighed 185 – so that is a start. I am going to try to get back into my routine and keep my fingers crossed for a decent loss. Although at this point being able to log any type of loss would be acceptable to me 😛 

Dustin has a handful of people coming over today. I am thinking about running over to the shopping center right up the road and trying on some clothes in sizes that hadn’t previously fit me. For example – I desperately want to go and see if I can finally buy some kind of blouse from Old Navy. This has been a goal of mine for a little while now. I always love their stuff, but could never get away with any of it! Such small sized sizes. 

So there you have it. Hopefully this will be a typical day and hopefully I can survive it without any kind of issues 🙂 . 

I hope you are all having a fantastic day!

-J